Monday, November 9, 2009

Mini Updates 1- Method/Principle

In an attempt to make some of this stuff more palatable (i.e. readable)- I'm going to attempt to send shorter, subject oriented 'updates'.  They will likely be more frequent though...  Normally it takes me a good week or so to write the monthly updates- so I hope the lack of thought re-writes doesn't leave you too disappointed.

As you've realized by now- there are some things that I have to be more cognizant of with The Boy- for a number of reasons.

Sandee's post quoted a quick and easy excerpt from Karen Purvis' Study Guide "Empowered to Connect".  It reads like this:

Children from Hard Places.” This is the phrase used by Dr. Purvis and others to describe children that have experienced some type of abuse, neglect or trauma during their lives... Obviously, this phrase applies to most children who were adopted, spent time in foster care etc.

Our focus for these children must always be clear: to help them heal and become whole in body, mind and spirit. This is done not by focusing on achieving “good behavior,” but by helping our children create strong connections built on trust. Out of this can grow not only “good behavior,” but so many other things that our children need and that we desire for them. By balancing structure with nurture and always remaining mindful of the inherent preciousness of each and every child, we have the opportunity to help our children realize dramatic strides and in the process discover (and re-discover) the joy in parenting.

Heather wrote something else that completely resonated with me- my style- personality. But more importantly- seems somehow intergrated with the second paragraph from Dr. Purvis. 

"She said there are principle people and there are method people. The method people will spend hours trying to formulate the exact "how to" for any sort of thing. They aggressively assert that there is only one "right way" to do something. The principle people could care less about how it happens, just that it happens if it is supposed to. "
I should note Heather wasn't referencing parenting at all (she talking about her mom and cooking.. but still--- some how in my scrambled over-taxed brain--- the concept is the same)  This paragraph itself should tell you which one of those I typically am;  Method vs. Principle.


In some ways- many can attest- I reeeaaalllly struggle with the existence purpose of "Method" and generally takes me twice as long as anyone else to figure out the best "methods" but I muddle through... if it's necessary. 

This is how I see a good chunk of my responsibility in parenting The Boy:  I'll need to take a more 'principled' approach. We won't always be focusing on "the right way" to do things (I rarely believe there is only one way- so I'm typically a waste of good breath trying to get me to believe otherwise).  The priority will be to try and balance the basics of structure with nurturing. Of course- first we have to nourish his Body before the Mind and Spirit can heal.

Joy. Trust. Self Confidence. Conscientious Decision Making.  Will those be the outcome?  Who knows... one can hope.

I'll leave you with a picture from Saturday: Pre Alex emptying bladder in my bed. (note to future-parenting-self:  limit 3 year olds water intake...) Alex would most want you to notice his boots. Connor would most prefer to be taking the picture.

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