It finally hit me.
Jealousy. Envy. The "What about meeeeeeeee's"
I was surprised as I went along this journey that, I never looked at a referral post, a court photo or a 1st meeting video and was jealous. I always related to the parents and their emotion- but never a--- "what about me?"
Until 3 minutes ago. (actually I'm scheduling this to post in a few days, but... whatever....)
Yesterday I read a bloggers post, one I stalk keep up to date with regularly. She had talked about a small update she received on her little girl. One of the updates was tiny ones, height and weight. They were almost EXACTLY the same as my recent (read: only!) update on the Boy. Yesterday- I LOVED reading it. I loved fantasizing relating that update to the Boy's. I realize- that isn't smart- nor healthy. But we all project an image of what the future holds as some sort of coping mechanism. So I did. Until today....
Today she posted her travel dates. Soon. Very Soon.
The big ugly green monster - that does not visit this house often- crashed the party.
The big ugly green monster - that does not visit this house often- crashed the party.
I don't like feeling that way. In fact I'm committed to not being pissy today. I can't afford it anymore. It's too expensive and it's costing me way too much.
And you know what else.. I'm sure you heard it too, back there on the 2nd line? The "What about meeeeee?" comment.... It's NOT ABOUT ME!! (nodding ) Yes. I heard that too.
Shaking it off. Getting busy with life. Being happy for the travelers. Joyful even!!
7 comments:
I struggle with this too, in a lot of places in my life, not just the adoption. I have to remind myself that someone else's abundance of happiness and good fortune does not leave less happiness and good fortune for me - there's plenty to go around!
Liz is wise. It's true about enough to go around. But still, someone getting to their happiness faster is hard to witness. You are gonna make Shannon. We are all waiting anxiously with you!
I totally get it!!! My kids are worth the wait - but boy oh boy it is soooo hard when others have that magical travel date and we are still waiting.
I deal with the big ugly green monster A LOT!!! I pray you will get YOUR travel dates soon, so Mr T will be in your arms almost immediately!!!! And when he is, give him an extra hug from me! :0)
I hear ya sister!! LOUD. AND. CLEAR. Lots of green uglies over here too being fought on a daily battle. One day at a time. That's all that we can do.
Ohhhh...the ugly green guy! I totally hear you on this...it's hard not to want the same things "now"...I'm hoping and praying that travel dates will be booked for you soon!!!
he he he... was this post written for me? honestly, I have a much better attitude today, but this past weekend was a doozy with the big green monster.
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