Friday, June 11, 2010

Friday Confessions... I admit

- that I haven't watched the news since I left the Hilton in Ethiopia (Haiti earthquake)

- that I was grateful the earthquake happened after I received his referral and while I was in Ethiopia-- otherwise-- I knew THAT person, formerly known as myself, would have tried find a way to dedicate the next year of her life to Haiti and possibly.. dare I say it... given up on Ethiopia... ugh

- that after a couple days in Ethiopia I really liked being "disconnected" and have yet to welcome it back fully.

- that I've recently had to ask what the date is and after receiving an answer, had to ask "Which Month?"

- that although my son is (most) always coiffed and properly dressed in snappy attire-- his companion, me, (most) always needs another 30 minutes in the bathroom mirror and time to re asses her wardrobe. (and is often left wondering if she brushed her teeth)

- that I have trouble convincing him to keep his pants on

- that I love being a mom. I will love being a single mom.

- that I'm "struggling" being a single mother-  finding the balance and focus of where and what needs to come next- holding it all together when exhaustion hits- keeping my voice and actions in appropriate context for the 3 year old that surrounds me... I struggle. I don't think any one around me knows this.- It's possible, I'm struggling even more than I think...?

- that my son has learned the phrase "Son of a B*tch"

- that I would day dream about to being a stay at home mom... until I actually became an unemployed single mother (aka: another statistic)

- that I remember wanting to raise my son to be loving, confident, empathetic, strong, unique, independent, kind, generous, hopeful and joyful-- and now that he's here--- I can't for the life of me think of HOW to do that?

2 comments:

Liz said...

I think the answer to the last question is "just keep doing what you're doing!"

Actually, maybe that's the answer to all the underlying questions here...

kristine said...

you're doing it now - the last line - you're living it. You've come so far.