Friday, June 25, 2010

Friday Confessional- I Admit...

- to sometimes feeling like a really shitty parent / person

- to sometimes thinking "I got this in the bag"

- to having less patience than I thought I did

- to being more tired than I can physically feel

- to not recognizing his pain for, at least, 4 days until he finally screamed when pee'ing a stream of blood. (this kid doesn't show pain... I need better instincts)

- to watching him pick up some long lost food type item off the ground, put it in his mouth and swallow it and nary did I blink an eye

- to telling him "Our ground in America is dirtier than in Ethiopia, so you can't eat off it anymore."

Here he is.. What's he reaching for under that fence? Goat Poop

- to not knowing how to teach him that sometimes parents make the rules and it is for his safety.

- to not knowing how to teach him abstract concepts like "safety" "love" "happy" "sad" "hurt"

- to still cringing, expecting to feel teeth in my shoulder, when I pick him up if he's even a bit frustrated or unhappy.

- to him falling asleep in my arms more often than not, still after 5 months home.

- to giving him a bottle that first night in Ethiopia (I had to teach him to suck)

- to returning to a bottle (now moved on to a sippy) after 3+ months home

- to still giving him the sippy as his need to suck is really strong right now

- to going for a ride in the car, him strapped in his safety seat, just so I can have a full phone conversation.

- to buying organic milk and local free range organic eggs... yet... when it comes to fruit... I buy the regular apples and rarely have I washed them before he's chomping into them.

- to needing breaks from my son in order to parent him to the best of my ability

- to wanting to hold him, stare at him, and snuggle with him, most of the nights, he falls asleep in my arms

 - to SOMETIMES wanting to set him down and get out of the room as fast as possible

- to attempting to convince him to like wearing hat, just to cut down on "doing" his hair

- to being slightly obsessed with his hair

- to the fact, my son knows the word 'breasts' and what they are. He left a memorable impression on Saturday at a busy DunkDo.nuts kiosk as he pointed to the cover of a P.eople mag and loudly exclaimed- "Look Mommy BREASTS! Mommy! Mommy! Breasts!" I have no idea who the guy is but I'm thinking some sort of photoshop art work was done on the fellow that graces this weeks cover to give him such large... breasts.

Had to leave you with a funny one!


Liz said...

Whoa, such a lot to confess to!

For your penance, go say three "I'm doing a great jobs" and two "This will all be funny some days."

I admit to being thankful that Elfe uses the Ethiopian (Sidamic, I think) word "oonoona" so that no one knows she is talking about breasts in public...

{Staci} said...

this had me crying. i am hormonal, still being held hostage in a hospital, haven't bonded with my new son, and the other new one is strapped down with tubes and breathing machines. I am a freaking wreck.

And this post had me crying. you are awesome. Teg is awesome. sending you lots of love.

kristine said...


And your confessions are lovely too!

Tammy said...

The "breast" story made me laugh out loud! And oh how I can relate to much of what you have written, for one, cringing when he plows his face into my leg, thinking I'm going to get bit. Thank God we are past the biting period but I still cringe.

I admire you and your strength=)

Shannon said...

I have to see the cover of that People magazine!! This post made me laugh!