Monday, May 9, 2011

More like it....

After yesterday's posted I was convicted. Today. I choose Joy.
Today I will keep remember the short time your were my little baby....
  • the days of unsteady gait.
  • the falling down and tipping over many times a day.
  • the soft hesitant laughter.
  • the meek mild Ethiopian tones.
  • the spaghetti sauce covering your face from slurping.
  • the potty training.
  • the belly. Oh the belly!
  • the cute little baby onsies!
  • the ciao!
  • the smell of campobylactra (?) and other intestinal bugs.
  • the night sweats.
  • the boy who could curl up and tuck his face in my neck and stay there for hours.

Today I will remember the days that anxiety and fear ruled our lives.
  • the days of driving for 90 minutes for a 40 minute nap
  • the days of 2 hours of thrashing pinching gagging hitting to keep yourself from falling asleep.
  • the days when nap fail would instigate a complete mommy meltdown as if the world were falling apart.
  • the times you would walk off, with no sense of a safety tether to keep you close and safe.
  • the days you never ran to me crying.
  • the nights of desperate clinging & crying in your sleep.
  • the hours of wondering when things would be 'normal'.

Today I will remember that today is all we have.
  • Today, when you cry for a made up reason, but come to me anyway, my heart will rejoice.
  • Today, when I pick you up from school, I'll remember that you no longer fit with the little kids class.
  • Today, when you race to the top of the playground mountain, I'll rejoice that you can do it on your own and almost as quickly & adept as your peers.
  • Today, when you attempt the monkey bars, I'll be there to catch you.
  • Today, when you lay in the floor, play with your feet, hands and coo like a baby- I'll smile and watch you closely- comforted in this regression- knowing that it is for me to enjoy only fleetingly and yet, it shows how far you've come in such a short time.
  • Today when you push me away, I'll stand by & wait for you.
  • Tonight, when as we go to bed, we'll talk of days gone by. Of people we love. Of our day together. Of our future.  

I want to thank all of my friends, some known, some unknown, who have reminded me how quickly these times pass. And as hard and exhausting as they may be at times, it will be gone in a flash. So today I choose Joy. Joy. Thanksgiving and Joy.

(yes I'm reading one thousand gifts...)


Barbaloot said...

What a beautiful post! Brought tears to my eyes.

scooping it up said...

weepy weepy. lovely. can't wait to love him in person.

Ted and Lori said...

This is a really good reminder, especially as I have been in a funk the last week, impatiently waiting for embassy clearance to bring home our daughter. I find myself being not present with the child already in our house as I long for the one who isn't. Choosing joy is something that needs to happen.