Saturday, January 29, 2011

What I should have said- Part 3...

First: I apologize. I should have finished posting this series before our one year anniversary. If you really want to, you can go here, here and here to have a faint idea what I'm writing about today.  Although- perhaps it isn't really clear to anyone.

I started writing and questioning what I wrote to my travel buds regarding our year milestone. After pressing send and hearing from a couple of them, I felt- like I pushed send too soon. That maybe I shared too much. Gave to Real of a picture.

Although the letter wasn't-  Opinionated. Judgment riddled. There were no fingers being pointed or names being called.  It was just the facts, as we lived them- granted- through my eyes.

Maybe, like that Eddie Adams Time Magazine picture of the Viet Cong man being executed at the moment he was shot in the head... maybe the truth- doesn't always sit right, light, comfortable in our hearts and minds. That photo haunts me to this day and I bet I haven't seen it in 5-10 years. (ok- just saw it as I g00gled a link to it)

The letter bothered me too. Even before I heard feedback. Something whispered to me and has been since.

Did you read the commentary below Eddie Adams Viet Cong photo?  "Still photographs are the most powerful weapon in the world. People believe them; but photographs do lie, even without manipulation. They are only half-truths. …"

I wrote the truth. As I saw it. As I experienced it. My truth. Not really 'our' truth. My warped narrow view.

I do not know the answer to "What should I have said?".  I've searched for that answer and I don't really know. But the whisper I hear, reminds me to consider, HOW I say it. Reminds me that my heart must be open to be gentle, not just for the reader that I do not know. Perhaps the real lesson is to keep my heart open and temper my words. I'm sure that is biblical some how.

So, I'm sure I've said this before, as it tends to take me several lessons to learn one thing- I will be more cautious in my approach here. I will attempt to open my heart and show it clearly but softly with consideration.


Paula said...

Honestly, I can't imagine what you could have said that would have been so troublesome to your travel group friends, unless they live off in LaLa Land somewhere. Maybe you're over-thinking this or making something big out of a comment or something? I don't know... but for what it's worth, I sometimes over-share too and then fret about it later. But I am very grateful to all of the adoptive moms who over-share on their blogs, because I have probably learned more and gotten more support and comfort from them than anyone else. Parenting is hard, adoptive parenting is harder and I don't know from experience, but I'm going to assume that being a single parent of top of that pretty much makes it even harder... definitely more exhausting. You deserve a "well done."

scoopingitup said...

the only things worth writing/saying are truthful. even if at the tiem of writing/saying it isn't pretty.

people can't deal with that.

i've been having this issue with my blog as well.

i am grateful for the honesty hangning out all over adoption blogs. because it helps us know we aren't alone, and that things aren't perfect and suck, and brain cells die every time a child does something obnoxious over and over again, and how we pick ourselves or our friends back up when the crazy feels too real.

still praying for you to have peace and strength in equal amounts, to be able to live this life you have well. be who you need to be. grace is a powerful thing my friend.