I remember being 9, 10, & 11 lying in bed with incredibly aching legs and hips. Ouch! I still remember that feeling, even today. Crying out to my mom, she answered “It’s just growing pains. There’s nothing to do but live with it for a while.”
At the time, I thought she must hate me. “How can you not help me? This hurts! Aaaaa! Make it stop!” (insert pre-teen drama).
I wanted to follow up on last weeks post.
Pain. During it’s peak- it is all that occupies your mind. During it’s peak- nothing else matters. During it’s peak- it is hard to remember, that it lessens, goes away or changes the recipient- often all three.
Eventually- it changes you.
Growing pains.
Growth requires pain.
During the peak of question, heartache, loss… pain I struggle to pay attention to what will follow. I know (in my head) that Pain is required to grow- but... during the peak of pain, it sure is hard to feel.
Stretch. Pain.
Lift. Ow!
Grasp. Twinge.
Jump. Thud.
Run. Ache.
Rest. Recover.
Hope. Grow.
Light. Peace.
Joy.
Shortly after that post. I reread a number of my posts recently and the feelings behind them surfaced. I wondered, why did so many posts seem… so down?, introspective?, heavy?.
Then I reviewed other blogs. Y’know what. I don’t think I’m that different. I think that when life is full, happy and exciting, who has time to sit and journal? I haven’t made the time to express, the joy, happiness and excitement during this season.
I noticed something else. The Milestones; Markers for progress. I haven’t marked any significant ones since December 30. Truly waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Ugh.
Waiting is too static. Waiting is life on hold. Life is now. I don’t know what I’m “waiting” for. Truly I do not. I can think I know, but- what will be will be. And it will NOT be, by me. . . . . WAITING!
So what next? Getting my ducks in a row.
Baby steps. Forward progress. Joy and Pain (pump. pump pump it up.. “Sunshine. And Rain.” Name that tune if you can). 2 steps forward and one step back.
I’ll fall down and get bloody and I’ll love the scar it leaves because it leaves me tougher, stronger with a deeper character.
Waking up.
Getting up.
Showing up.
Every day. Every hour. Giving it all.
Life. Living. Movement. Experience. Exploration. All Antonyms of “waiting”.
6 comments:
I hear you. I posted nearly every day while waiting. Tortured, angsty thoughts find their way into writing so much easier than happy ones for me. It helped me wait. Blogging was like my therapy. So keep it up! Your blog is great!
Shannon, I prefer to think of us as expectant moms with an indefinite gestational period. Or at least that's what I prefer to think today. Tomorrow I may be feeling more frustrated...
I love your blog! I thought about it, then looked back through mine. I blogged SO much more while waiting. Heavy, introspective posts, too!
I love this post and can completely relate. The pictures at the end say it all ... there is so much life NOW :)
Sometimes the absence of pain after it peaks is the most amazing feeling. Such a feeling of well-being to be simply not in pain. That's what this post made me think about, the intense relief of pain's end.
That is so true! I expect anymommy can sense this feeling approaching some day soon. :)
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