Monday, May 18, 2009
I remember being 9, 10, & 11 lying in bed with incredibly aching legs and hips. Ouch! I still remember that feeling, even today. Crying out to my mom, she answered “It’s just growing pains. There’s nothing to do but live with it for a while.”
At the time, I thought she must hate me. “How can you not help me? This hurts! Aaaaa! Make it stop!” (insert pre-teen drama).
I wanted to follow up on last weeks post.
Pain. During it’s peak- it is all that occupies your mind. During it’s peak- nothing else matters. During it’s peak- it is hard to remember, that it lessens, goes away or changes the recipient- often all three.
Eventually- it changes you.
Growth requires pain.
During the peak of question, heartache, loss… pain I struggle to pay attention to what will follow. I know (in my head) that Pain is required to grow- but... during the peak of pain, it sure is hard to feel.
Shortly after that post. I reread a number of my posts recently and the feelings behind them surfaced. I wondered, why did so many posts seem… so down?, introspective?, heavy?.
Then I reviewed other blogs. Y’know what. I don’t think I’m that different. I think that when life is full, happy and exciting, who has time to sit and journal? I haven’t made the time to express, the joy, happiness and excitement during this season.
I noticed something else. The Milestones; Markers for progress. I haven’t marked any significant ones since December 30. Truly waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Ugh.
Waiting is too static. Waiting is life on hold. Life is now. I don’t know what I’m “waiting” for. Truly I do not. I can think I know, but- what will be will be. And it will NOT be, by me. . . . . WAITING!
So what next? Getting my ducks in a row.
Baby steps. Forward progress. Joy and Pain (pump. pump pump it up.. “Sunshine. And Rain.” Name that tune if you can). 2 steps forward and one step back.
I’ll fall down and get bloody and I’ll love the scar it leaves because it leaves me tougher, stronger with a deeper character.
Every day. Every hour. Giving it all.
Life. Living. Movement. Experience. Exploration. All Antonyms of “waiting”.