Some days, I should refrain from reading....

I sometimes get back 'there'.

The "there" of the first year and a half two years of being a mother.

The hard "there".  

I was learning. But it was painful growing. It was h.a.r.d. 

I'm now at a place when I can put this in context of my experience and its different. I have tools. I have history. I have peace and a bit of perspective (albeit lost from time to time)

And yet....

Sometimes. Sometimes all it takes is an article. An article spelling it out. Resonating and shaking the core.
Yes.
Triggered and all the anxiety and painful past comes back and it's as if I'm in it. As if WE are back in that thick heavy hard season. My heart races. My shoulders rise. Jaw clenched. and... I have to remind myself of the reality. Reality of now.

So different.

But MAN!  Sometimes trying to learn to be a better parent. To read more about therapeutic parenting, is simply too over-whelming. Some times. My heart. just. can't. take. any. more.

I remind myself to fire up the Photobooth and have some silliness overload fun.

Bruised Reeds...

He was speaking about broken children. Children torn apart. He was speaking of the addicted ones. The juvy detention ones.

I was hearing it in context of my child.

Isiah 42:3
Bruised reeds. He will not break the bent ones.

"My job is to speak the truth. Speak it in love. And let God take care of their hearts."

Sometimes, I get in the way. I try to fix, and heal. Figure out the past.

Cause a momma's heart want to go back and take away that pain. A momma's heart wants to be there with him through it all. Make it not hurt.

Hubris.

The pain is not mine. The past is not mine. The healing power is not mine. Let go and let God. (How many times have I had to relearn? How many more?)

Mercy.

Grace.