Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Some days, I should refrain from reading....

I sometimes get back 'there'.

The "there" of the first year and a half two years of being a mother.

The hard "there".  

I was learning. But it was painful growing. It was h.a.r.d. 

I'm now at a place when I can put this in context of my experience and its different. I have tools. I have history. I have peace and a bit of perspective (albeit lost from time to time)

And yet....

Sometimes. Sometimes all it takes is an article. An article spelling it out. Resonating and shaking the core.
Triggered and all the anxiety and painful past comes back and it's as if I'm in it. As if WE are back in that thick heavy hard season. My heart races. My shoulders rise. Jaw clenched. and... I have to remind myself of the reality. Reality of now.

So different.

But MAN!  Sometimes trying to learn to be a better parent. To read more about therapeutic parenting, is simply too over-whelming. Some times. My heart. just. can't. take. any. more.

I remind myself to fire up the Photobooth and have some silliness overload fun.


barb_aloot said...

Silliness is essential for all parents, especially those of us with kids who have traumatic pasts!

scooping it up said...

silliness is so hard when we are experiencing secondary trauma. love to you, dear.