tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12540816872612865712024-03-13T12:06:10.524-04:00Wandered Outside... Single Mom, adopts. Momma & son living life. In northern rural USA. Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.comBlogger313125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-33005806122694641882014-05-09T22:53:00.000-04:002014-05-09T22:53:24.136-04:00Letting go of The Hard. Good night.Why couldn't I just leave it here, unfinished? I don't know. Yet, it haunts me.
This year, I become aware, one of the things I really needed to do was "Let go of the hard".
The adopting process was hard. The learning curve: hard. The first 2.5 years of becoming a mother: H.A.R.D.
Big hard. Heavy, hard. Guilt riddled, hard. Questioning of all that I thought I knew, hard.
I dug in.Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-38390546531249540102013-02-26T21:18:00.001-05:002013-02-26T21:18:56.983-05:00Some days, I should refrain from reading....
I sometimes get back 'there'.
The "there" of the first year and a half two years of being a mother.
The hard "there".
I was learning. But it was painful growing. It was h.a.r.d.
I'm now at a place when I can put this in context of my experience and its different. I have tools. I have history. I have peace and a bit of perspective (albeit lost from time to time)
And yet.Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-926390406047354292013-02-22T17:54:00.000-05:002013-02-24T10:12:26.217-05:00Bruised Reeds... He was speaking about broken children. Children torn apart. He was speaking of the addicted ones. The juvy detention ones.
I was hearing it in context of my child.
Isiah 42:3
Bruised reeds. He will not break the bent ones.
"My job is to speak the truth. Speak it in love. And let God take care of their hearts."
Sometimes, I get in the way. I try to fix, and heal. Figure out the past.
Cause aSha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-40401153499241304952012-12-17T21:08:00.001-05:002012-12-17T21:17:19.722-05:00This is not about Gun Control
This isn't about gun control.
But, it is.
This isn't about mental health, health care, or stigma.
But, it is.
This isn't about God not being allowed in schools.
Because, of course, she is there.
A friend once told me about her middle school experience. Apparently one of the students was dealing drugs in the school. He kept the drugs hidden in his hat. Once he was caught, there was uproar.Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-44239072077586301372012-10-19T13:00:00.002-04:002012-10-19T13:00:48.344-04:00Contact...
Joyfully,
I see the smiling faces peering at new photos.
I see the littlest ones joyful smile, just peeking in at the corner of the photo. Familiar. Reminiscent of her brothers.
I see bright, seemingly new clothing!
... and then I recognize...
Recognize that clothing from years past, had been drying on tree branches. They were.... Sunday clothes.
Recognize everyday shirts and pants show Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-33223232028807974582012-10-07T09:20:00.000-04:002012-10-07T09:20:41.836-04:00We are hereWe are here. Somewhere. We've been many places since the middle of June.
We sold our house. For the first time in 100's of years, that back yard belongs to someone outside my family.
After bouncing around a bit we've found a soft place to land. For a bit anyway. I'm having some feelings about it all. But we are together. Thriving. Trusting. Some days more than others.
I hope to be back here, Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-12349155423849962972012-06-12T16:58:00.005-04:002012-06-12T16:59:24.139-04:00Puddles. Quack.
Making the best of what's before us! All joy. All joy.
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-47245068061979290282012-05-30T14:47:00.001-04:002012-05-30T14:47:08.341-04:00Then. Now. Future...
It won't be like this for long. This I know. Right now they still play well together, mostly. They are close in size, but their formerly defined roles are beginning to be challenged. The differences on how they are being raised, will begin to be even more challenging as they begin school. It's been a good 2 years for these two. Bumpy times are beginning. More will come. But such is the Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-57607457174287438872012-05-21T09:43:00.001-04:002012-05-21T09:43:16.370-04:00Lanky EthiopianStrong. Lanky. Golfing. Ethiopian. Love. Him. Beyond. Words. Heart. Bursting.
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-25316778129577740052012-05-11T20:32:00.001-04:002012-05-11T20:33:12.159-04:00We have lift off!!!
Flight!! Do you see it?
Let me make it easier...
YES YES YES!! FLIGHT PHASE!!! For those unaware: 'running' actually must have a flight phase, a point in the motion where neither feet (nor any other part of body, obviously) are touching the ground.
Actual running. Oh how he shines. My heart is full full full. This is but one little teeny tiny thing of the Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-62040214330904087172012-05-08T14:19:00.000-04:002012-05-08T14:22:23.572-04:00A note to mom's...Words and actions, tell.
If you tell your young children ...
the magnificent treasure they found is disgusting;
the people they enjoy are not worthy;
their game is stupid;
they will grow internalizing disgusting, no worth and stupid.
As your children mature, and have children of their own...
They will wonder, what kind of parent tells their child they are disgusting?
When they wrestle with Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-64203403756477054822012-04-27T11:23:00.000-04:002012-04-27T11:23:14.710-04:00Flashback FridaySha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-76765922843320781752012-04-22T23:33:00.000-04:002012-04-22T23:33:43.399-04:00Quite Good, Actually.Other than linking up with Claudia, snarky self deprecating duct tape commentary, and belittling my parenting publicly (which seems to be a general theme of this blog) I haven't recently published much here.
Some have asked, so I'll answer quickly. Yes. We are actually doing good. Really good. (jinx. punchbuggy. no backsees!)
"Dandyflowers" preferred over the Daffodils
The weather has Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-42545955068295089752012-04-20T00:30:00.000-04:002012-04-20T00:30:00.399-04:00Flashback Friday
April 2010
April 2011
April 2012
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-6783876097847397782012-04-19T23:54:00.004-04:002012-04-19T23:54:59.384-04:00Momma, What's "working" Mean?I'm late posting this because... well, I'm late to most everything. She asked. "Claudia". What's working right now?
There
is a large answer that is not real tangible. More esoteric in nature.
Philosophical, maybe. It's one I'm keenly aware, is only available,
through our gift of time. Mired in the deep thick brush with no machete
was/is intense. For so long, I felt so deep into the acute Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-30968859534582847882012-04-16T21:47:00.001-04:002012-04-16T22:49:58.144-04:00I dare you...Those of you that are familiar with Pinterest, are well aware of the dichotomy of popular thinking.
Entire boards dedicated to the running, svelte, strong, early dawn photos with 'motivating' captions...
along side your equally full boards dedicated to cupcakes.
There are also the Home design ones. Ones that look like everyone in the world has a 'school room' specifically to inspire creative Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-50076846378930287412012-04-15T10:25:00.000-04:002012-04-15T10:25:00.463-04:00Soaring SundayLiterally!Look.
There is actual flight phase. Air between foot and ground.
My babe is gonna reach the sky.mmm hmmm Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-81311803294659012272012-04-07T09:27:00.000-04:002012-04-07T09:27:00.652-04:00Sundays...Being sick doesn't erase the sensory drive.
Then...
Repeat x 2,000
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-60321676995467229412012-04-03T16:00:00.007-04:002012-04-03T16:00:03.891-04:00Speaking Truth. Acting in Truth.His feelings are important.
His needs are important.
He can count on me.
The other day I read this post by dear Meg. It moved me. I suppose it will move many of us in different ways as it is so personally adaptive to our lives as parents.
I read that post after have 2 days of struggling with my son. Struggling with LOTS of things in LOTS of areas. Sometimes my role in the process can Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-14456713246267862932012-04-01T10:18:00.001-04:002012-04-01T10:20:01.331-04:00Foot in Mouth Incidents...I love reading mom's recount of questions regarding the make up of their family, hows, whos, whys, etc. Reason being, I haven't really gotten any of the nosey, curious, demanding stranger questions. I remember twice I've had questions from strangers, who specifically were courteous and clearly were sensitive and aware of different family dynamics.
At the local park, as we walked by on way to Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-25182523052328159732012-03-31T21:14:00.000-04:002012-03-31T21:14:34.355-04:00Opining...I'm really irritated/irate when people say things like:
-"You really got a good one" because he's cute or he's good or... whatever qualifier they add.
I've even heard other adoptive families refer to themselves the same way and it makes me really... ummm... kinda pissed.
"I really hit the jackpot with this kid. She's so easy."
Somehow it twinges the same nerve when a grown adult repeats Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-10591469286944949912012-03-29T15:05:00.001-04:002012-03-29T15:06:09.662-04:00Wicked Sense of Humor...Seriously... I'm laughing a mile a minute here. It's that.. or cry.
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-85460324605373072492012-03-28T06:15:00.002-04:002012-03-28T06:15:00.039-04:00Wednesday. Walk in Woods...It was a two-fer kind of day...
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-85275907356048396212012-03-25T09:43:00.000-04:002012-03-25T09:43:05.142-04:00Soaring Sunday
Soar
Can he? Can I let him? Can I empower him? Can I stop him?
Is it possible to give him the gift of full potential and then hold onto it inside a bullet proof bubble?
How do I teach him to be his full self? A strong, smart, bold black young man.
At the same time "slow down", "hold back" "be leery of your skin?"
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1254081687261286571.post-79594624120722827192012-03-23T23:18:00.000-04:002012-03-23T23:18:44.099-04:00Flashback Friay
First meet Jan 2010
March 2010
March 2011
March 2012
Sha Zam-http://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.com2