What is next?...

As we laughed, snuggled and wrestled

as is the routine of changing in to pj's

I looked up to his face

me on the floor

I heard in my head

"He has no idea, everything is about to change"

Really?

Did I just think that?

Or did I hear it?

Is the worry and fear taking over

the Faith?

Or is He making his faith known?

Almost a year

I sat and prayed

Wondered

Connived

Concieved of strategies

Percieved plans

How could I be a single stay at home mom?

I prayed and prayed

Asked for the hows

Eventually giving it all to him and trusting

I had nothing to hold onto then...

Only Him.

Makes it easier to let go of it all 

when the nothing is closer to Him

It came to pass

Two years we've had together

This unbridled gift from God

Two full years

I didn't realize why I needed it so

So very different than expected

Isn't it always

Now. Things are about to change.

I suspect shockingly

Yes I've no idea what it looks like

We have little to hold onto

Little is harder to give up to God 

than, 'nothing'.

Harder to just trust in faith

Why?

Why do I so quickly stray?

It has truely been a gift.

A miracle that we've been able to do this for 2 full years

I still have much to learn

We have much healing in our future

Now 

Now we prepare

We unbridle from possessions

Eventually our house

We sure up our strength in Him

And our family in each other

Where the road leads us, we do not know

A little light

One step at a time

Not everyone will agree with the choices I've needed to make thus far.

That's ok.

We make different choices as we experience different things

Some choices, are regretful

Most are spot on

I think. Now. 

Who knows how tomorrows history will reflect

We venture forward

Figure it out

Have faith

Give thanks

Hope

This 2 years

Has changed me

In so different ways that I could've every imagined

Bigger ways

I read old posts and don't know the person that wrote them

Disconnected

The becoming of me

Growing. Molding. Shaping.

It hurts

But it's more encompassing

Transforming

Like the inside of a chrysalis 

Something new emerges

I think something new is about to emerge

I am grateful

Hopeful

Prayerful to let go of my worry

Excited

What is next?