Saturday, October 23, 2010

Moving Forward...

Here's what is going on.

Some hints of secure attachment are showing up.

(shshshshhh. no sudden moves... )

For those of you 'waiting'- you hear about
  • -indiscriminate affection
  • -crying tantrums
  • -regression
  • -multiple developmental phases all showing up in the same day
Here's the thing though. None of these really happened in this house... Until recently.

Until recently- we were firmly bonded and functioning in the 'anxious attachment' model. In fact if you look in up "Anxious Attachment" on wiki- it may have a photo of us for reference. (ya never know?!? could happen). Anxiety has REIGNED in this family!  The days of letting it rule are OVAH!

He's happy. Seemingly so, since we met. Healthy. Joyful. Loving. Affectionate. Contagious. Polite. Generous. Smart.(REEEAAALLY SMART!) Bonded. Connects to extended family. Silly. Gregarious. He comfort nursed for months. Still "co sleeps" (which is a misnomer, by the way... only ONE person gets any sleep). Clings to me. We are clearly "bonded". And yet.... there were red flags. Red flags that only someone that goes through this would see.

Red flags, listed in Deborah Gray's book regarding Phase 1 developmental attachment (or something like that... book is in the other room.) In the book she listed a handful of behaviors that signal attachment disruption from the very FIRST phase of life. Both me and another adoptive mom recognized about half of that list, in my son. Some of which- I could address from home. And honestly- with his history- I was thrilled at "anxious attachment!"

  • Wandering off without me.
  • Little to no eye contact.
  • No mirrored behavior. No give and take.
I could fix/stop the 'behavior'- but that wouldn't address the underlying problem. I knew I needed help. I knew he needed healing. And...there are professionals that do this for a living! Thus, therapy commences!

I've got more to share. More to learn. But those of you reading that are 'waiting' or are looking for that secure attachment hints.... know this... when they show up- it isn't all smooth sailing- but- man- the other side is GOOOOOOOOODDD!!

Stay Tuned!

1 comment:

Kimmie said...

Sending a hug and praying for you. Asking God to give you wisdom and patience (and what it is that needs to be done and WHEN ;-) for your sweet loving mothers heart.

mama to 8
one homemade and 7 adopted