Monday, October 25, 2010

Gaining Perspective Takes Time..

We are healing.
He is healing.
We are becoming a stronger family.
We are getting more securely attached.
We are growing... together.
We are happy... together.


You know that itchy, scratchy, bothersome feeling when a scab is healing and you just can't leave it alone. It nags you constantly never letting you forget it is there. It half hurts- and half 'feels so good' to dig at it. Healing is like that. Even emotional healing.

As a parent, a single parent, I watch this happen. Watch him dig, and be soothed and hurt at the same time. I feel his pain. And it hurts, as a parent, to not be able to fix it. To know, we have to go through it all.

The therapy we've started is incredibly helpful. It is also incredibly heavy. Last week I was on my 'therapy high' for a few hours after leaving her office. And then, I started really thinking about all she said. Oh, the pressure. It's hard not to get weighed down over it all again.

There is so much I want to share. As a single parent, I've never read another single parent, write about attachment. Specifically. Attachment process. Write about the issues and problems and process and healing. It is heavy stuff. Going through it with no back up is intense. Cause, as great as having a parent, brother or sister close by to help out in a pinch... they are never going to 'get it'. They will look at him and say- 'he's perfectly fine. Normal. Just like every other kid."

"I'm glad that is what you see." is all I can say in response.

Cause really- he will be ok. He will and is healing. He is perfect as He made him so. But he will never be "just like every other kid." My son is exceptional. Truely. For a child that experienced the amount of neglect, trauma & malnutrition that he did- he has AMAZING AH. MAZE. ING Spirit!  Which is why he is doing so well. I do not wonder if he will get through this. He is strong and driven and sensitive. I am weak, prideful and from time to time- everlovingfreakingTIRED.

So to the single parents out there. I want to give back. I want to share. But I want to write with some perspective as well. So I'm taking some time to finish what I started here, and make sure I give you something useful and not just the emotional wave we are currently riding.

For now- I will say this- schedule your breaks. Whether it be time out of the house and away. Whether it be play dates. Whether it be babysitter just to play with the kids while you work around the house for a few hours. Schedule your breaks. Recognize when you start feeling overtired and less then you want to be and nip it in the bud before hand.

Peace.

5 comments:

Liz said...

Shannon - YOU are amazing! To be going through what you are going through and still wanting to make sure you share what you've learned - really, amazing!

Hope you are almost finished riding the wave...

kristine said...

I love the photo. I love your honesty. I love your advice. Spouses sometimes don't agree on what they see either.

Love your writing. So happy you're out there.

Annie D said...

Shannon,
I am a single mother of older adoptive children through the foster care system. Your writing touches me in anyway. So glad you are doing the attachment work with your son. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold! Good luck and God Bless.

Amy said...

Oh. I just found your blog. I am also a single mom adopting. I've lived in Tanzania for the past 13.5 months going through the process with my now 4 year old son. We had such struggles with sleep, too. There is no therapy here, but I have recommendations waiting back in the US. I would love to chat with you some time. Looking forward to reading through your blog!

Shannon- said...

Amy, my public email is gon_hikn93 at yahoo. I can't find your profile to connect so feel free to email me at my yahoo address.