Friday, August 20, 2010

Friday Confessional- Techno Chill...

I admit-

- that childrens headphones, and iPod and toddler tunes downloaded, may be Mommy's gift from the heavens.

Peaceful. Ride. Moments. Thinking allowed. Precious.

I once thought I'd shun technology for my child. Old School. Wooden blocks. Finger Paint. Smocks. Leaf presses.  Witty, enlightening conversations in the car about rainbows, waterfalls, fish, birds, Ethiopia, family, school, etc.

I admit- I need the break. I've come to learn that as a single mom. As a single introverted mom-- I need breaks from the constant touching, constant talking, constant inquisitions of Truck? Truck? Truck? Truck? Bus? Bus? Bus?

I'm not complaining. I'm not. I'm admitting my limits. And in order to be the best mom- I sometimes make imperfect choices.

My son is a joy and perfect just as he is. And-- well I'm not perfect, and neither is headphones on a 3 year old... but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Not having him here is fresh in the heart. The longing to have the car seat full... Far to ..'on the surface'. I hope it never wanes. It is better with him here. I am better with him here. It's just that -change- which I've needed a lot of- is hard-  like molding clay- I was a lump and I'm changing. If I come out looking like a set of headphones- I'll know I took a wrong turn. Until then- we keep going forward.. together... sometimes towing a 2nd generation iPod, loaded with 123 Favorite Children's songs!

Edited to add:
On the way home tonight-  him, with headset on- I kept watching him. I think it helps him. Helps to shut down 'the visual' a bit. "Tune out" "turn down". All other ways of saying... I think it relaxes him.  And then I read this post... and the pieces all came together!! Ah haa moment! It all makes sense now!  (Although a great idea, and one I instinctively like - I think the tickets are a bit ahead in my Son's developmental age.)


Corinne said...

my sister is a single mom, and i never gave her any real credit until i became a mom myself. you do what you have to do to make it work...and you are doing great!

Me. Us. She. said...

I so know what you mean by 'the empty seat is still too close to the surface' - I feel that way all the time. I'll be annoyed and frustrated and then I just have to glance at my floor and all of the baby books strewn around to feel so relieved that SHE is finally here.