Monday, January 19, 2009

Calling all Angels...

To whom much is given, much is required.

I’m trying to be the person I need to be... no, WANT to be. I’m not there yet. But little by little, He’s bringing to bear the power I need to pull my weight. I’ve been given so many gifts. I’m reminded every day. Only in the last few months has the requirement of what I must do been a daily reminder.

The suspicion looms over me, that there is far to go before being ready to receive the true blessings I’ve been praying for. From the simple to the divine- still far to go. From no longer accepting microwave popcorn and a bottle of beer as being an acceptable dinner choice, to making personal care a regular thing everyday, to saving more, to laughing more, to slowing down, to being patient, kind and loving in the tough and tired times, to self discipline, to praying and listening to what is in my heart throughout every day.

Mostly, I just feel so blessed. I have been given the friends and family that is perfect for me. The friends I have, I never sought out, they just seemed to just… always… be. Family is family. My friends are my family, and you know who you are. I’m beginning to recognize that these very special people were given to me as perhaps my most precious gift.

To whom much is given, much is required.

I’ve been so selfish. So absorbed in the tedious mundane paper-chase of the adoption maze, that I haven’t been fulfilling many of my requirements. Little by little I’ll get better at doing so. And yet even in recognizing that I haven’t been living up to my end, I still see blessings around every bend, every phone call, text message and pop in. So tonight when I rest for the night, my prayers will be a big thank you to each of you for always being there for me and for the Big Guy upstairs who threw us together.

I read Bonnie's post today and it was just what I needed to hear. She wrote:

You know sometimes when you are following God he really and I mean really shakes you up and asks a lot of you. If you have the courage to say yes - well there are blessings unimaginable to follow. We feel like we are still in that season. A year ago God asked alot of us - shook us up and added to our family in an unexpected way and it has changed us immeasurably. It has taken us out of our selfishness and opened our eyes until we are crying out to God again and again to use us to forward his kingdom. The blessings have been uncountable - but the smile of a little girl - well that's the biggest blessing of them all.

ps:- I don't have pictures on this machine of quite a few of you... you know who you are.
pps: Camera broke on NYEve. Living on the iPhoto library for a while.

ppss: Ok, I'm back on my internet break. For real this time... self discipline, remember.


Anonymous said...

Robbin said...

Hi Shannon, thanks for visiting my blog. Obviously the decision how to parent is definitely a personal decision. I know you would never consider shaving your bio daughters hair because your choice of parenting was to not wash and brush the hair regularly and therefore allow it to mat. Although this is not the technique most use to loc's I use that as an example for how far the hair would have to get for you to consider cutting off the hair of one of your little girls. Nobody wants to have their hair cut off and locs are pretty permanent.

Robbin said...

Shannon, i agree completely about AP's being unusually sensitive to the culture of others. Adoption is not something that you can enter ignorantly even if you want to. The hoops we jump thru as PAP's is an education that all parents should have to go thru. I hope that we can open the dialogue as we both try to make sense of this maze!