International Adoption. Dream. Maze. Nightmare. Calling. Blessing. Gift. Rollercoaster. Sick. Trap. Heartbreak. Masochistic. Arduous. Heaven on Earth. Stressful. Lonely. Gut wrenching. Scary. Unnerving. Exciting. Patient. Kind. And again… Blessing.
It is all of these and more. Maze is probably the analogy ringing most true to me right now. The difference is that the Maze can change shape, change rules or stop all together, with no where left to go…. Literally. I was reminded of this these past few weeks. It can all come to an end at anytime… with no where else to go.
International adoption is an arduous voyage in the best of situations. In the IA world, being single, does not qualify as the best of situations. The other thing international adoption does, is unexpected. I’m required to learn and perform a number of different things in order to adopt. Outside of the already mentioned “permission” and “notarization” from a number of different individuals and offices, I had to open my eyes and heart in order to ready my life for an Ethiopian child. I must learn about this country.
What I have learned thus far, I can not convey in the abstract cold language I’m familiar with. Warm. Vital. Proud. Rich. Embracing. Desolate. Tragic. Gut wrenching. Trap. Dream. Nightmare. Blessing. Scary. Arduous. Hungary. Ill. Broken. Historic. Happy. Joyous. Giving. Patient. Kind. Loving. Blessing. Ethiopia.
I’m in love with this country. I didn’t start this journey loving this country; her people, her religious depth, her rich human history. I did not know I’d become intrigued by its diverse ethnic divides or its complicated politics. I was not obsessed with her struggles, her pride, her joy or her grief. And yet, here I am. I actively, purposefully, fell in love with this land. There may come a day, when she will break up with me. But until that day, I’m walking forward in full hope. I’m all in. 100% in.
Some weeks ago, I was distracted, with the idea of changing agencies. That will not be happening. CHSFS is my placing agency. In the end, the reasons I posted earlier still stand, and I’m sticking with them. It may take some time for me to have my child home with me, but everything has its perfect time. Anything I’ve ever pushed to make happen, has clearly shown it self not be in its season, but mine.
PS- This Wednesday I’m scheduled to be in So. Portland to get fingerprinted. This is another big step! (No giant check related to this milestone… I prepaid some time ago.). Keep fingers crossed that I’ll hear from placing agency this week that they’ve approved and accepted my home study. As soon as they do that I can finish my dossier!