Sunday, July 20, 2008

Silent phase…

Those that know me might characterize me as being somewhat of a private person. (That probably isn’t the best word, but lets go with it.) This hit home this week. I found an Axum Ethiopian Cross pendant on my doorstep. A
gift from a friend. She had clearly done a lot research to find such a meaningful gift. (Thanks Susan!). After admiring it, I immediately got sick thinking the “what ifs” of the home-study realizing that it’s not just me going through this. I’ve drug a lot of people into this tricky terrain.
There is nothing private, intimate or easy about the “process” of adoption. As I mentioned in the previous post.
It’s not like I would have kept my family building a secret, I simply would prefer to have been able to acclimate and steady myself to feel somewhat comfortable before guiding people I care about into this maze of a process. Truly, I would have enjoyed the secret time of adjustment and anticipation, but mostly, it’s because I care about my friends & family and do not want to cause disappointment and anxiety as the many possible hurdles will undoubtedly happen.
What this anxiety, of my own, has produced is that I have not talked to many people in my family about this adventure. Why? Lets relate back to “Ashlee’s Advice” and correlate this to a pregnancy stage- you don’t tell people you are pregnant until after the 1st trimester. The first trimester would correlate to the 2-3 month process of a home-study process. So, it is not a “secret”… but it isn’t exactly public knowledge either. (yes, I understand the contradiction of that statement and publishing it on the web!)

Look, like I said, I’m about a little more private than some people, but on the other hand, there is no way someone starts this journey without being excited and scared all at the same time. If you are close to the person adopting, be curious, ask questions and respect privacy and time if you sense they need it...
I’m finding people are afraid of being nosy. Maybe this comes from some antiquated notion of adoption being some dubious secret. I dunno.
As far as my own friends and family, whether I’ve talked you specifically about this or you know because well, every one knows everything… If you have questions, concerns, ideas or you’re just excited; feel free to express. I’m a single woman who is definatly going to count on all of you… “it takes a village…” Please don’t infer my lack of confiding as a “secret” I’m just playing the traditional role of trying to get past the stage where “anything can go wrong”.
Love & Huggs… Shannon

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