Monday, August 8, 2011

Heath Wise Update

Up until today I was pondering a post where I recount the many emotional reasons, parenting reasons, hormonal reasons why I've needed to manage my eating better. I was going to recount the many outbursts that have NOT happened, the calm when all panic buttons are pushed, the steady parenting that can reassure a child, calm their frantic beating hearts, and sooth their souls.

Today- I suck and it feels like the past 3+ weeks are all for not because I SUCK.

(note to self: must also manage inner dialogue regarding self talk...)

Does anyone else feel like One really crappy, shitty day - where your cyclical emotionality is off the charts and your stuck inside the house trying to accomplish ANYTHING for the 3rd week in a row and just this one little day- brings back alllllllll the other little shitty freakin' days and suddenly you feel like you've screwed up your kid forever and ever? That's kinda me today. I've screwed up my kid. I suck.

That and I think... we are just tired...

But until today- seriously- I've felt good. Really good. And, man. I was so dreading this summer. I panicked when school closed in May. Oh Em Gee! I scheduled as many outings as I could- keep us busy, fill up the calendar because, " I'm not the best parent if we aren't busy. I can't possibly stay with him 24 hours a day 7 days a week! I must I must I must get breaks!! It's for him too. He can't handle me all the time. It's not fair to our relationship. He'll hate me."- This I cried and honestly believed.

Guess what. It has been wonderful. All scheduled activities where either done with or thrown out the window at the beginning of July. And he and I have taken it easy and really enjoyed ourselves. Together.

I can not tell you- how calming- it felt to feel joy in parenting. I've struggled with that for a long time. You see. It is hard for me. I'm hard. He takes my lead. I make it harder for both of us, I think. So I kept looking for the "Joy". But mostly, I was just tired. And "tired" can over-ride ALL other emotions. And it does.
For those of you that have encouraged me and supported me in this challenge. THANK YOU! I want to let you know how each week has gone, but since I'm not letting any numbers fly until after August 26- this will have to suffice.

Remember this picture.  Well everything was delish!  And I did a really good job with sticking with the food we had bought. We packed up some of the fruit that was still left as we headed west to Vermont for a visit with family and friends.  Staying with family, any semblance of 'healthy eating' went out the window. They cook what they grow and grill what they once fed. And the do it with oil and butter with a side of butter and a nice butter topping. So I enjoyed but watched my portions.


Remember: (A big reason for this is to manage my emotional highs and lows.) We arrived home after 6pm on Sunday. I got a txt regarding a job requesting to meet on Tuesday at 10am (he texted earlier in the weekend but no service... ironic twist- it's a cell phone company) (who txts about a job? also a friend.. anyhooo) Left his office and scrambled to Teg's school which is federally funded. Attempting to get him in this local school, headed by a county program, federally funded through the state. RED. TAPE. PAPERWORK. UGH.  It was almost like dossier time. Not kidding. It took all week. Till Friday at 4pm. Seriously.

Somewhere in the midst of that week- I received a copy of "Cinch!". A book about a diet. (Can't give any real review yet- but so far- from captain skeptical here, it's dead on proper and wise) So, clearly I started immediately and had no idea what I was getting into. The first 5 days has you eating 5 foods in a variety of different ways. Raspberries, spinach, eggs, yogurt, almonds. All organic, nonfat blah blah blah-- plus you can add any spices. The best one I keep going back to is the smoothie. I thought it sounded gross and didn't add the cinnamon or almond butter the first few times but it made all the difference. I'm really falling in love with almond butter. (Not the price mind you....)

6oz plain yog
1 cup raspberries (i liked it better when frozen)
1T almond butter
a little lime/orange/tang juice/zest. I usually used juice from half a lime
(Sorry no picture. I can't think of anything but drinking it when I make it!)

After that first 5 days it focuses on meals comprised of
Produce  (fruit for breakfast & snack. veggie's for lunch and dinner
Whole grain
Lean Protein
Plant based fat
Seasoning/spices etc

So things like Pizzalad
Whole grain pita (Whole Grain)
1t Ex Vir. Olive Oil
covered in minced garlic and basil(seasoning spice)
1oz of fresh Mozzerella  (lean protein?)
toasted then covered with salad greens, tomato, cukes and balsamic vinegar.

Or this strange but surprisingly good and filling concoction
Whole Grain Toast
Spread 1T pesto
Cover with sliced HB egg (I'd been really hungry so I added an extra egg in this picture)
season with chili pepper (I used berbere! yum)
1/4 cup cottage cheese on the side.

Weight is coming down. (No hints! Go place your bets!) I hope to start tomorrow on a good foot for us emotionally. Well rested. Ready to spend the day together. Managing my hunger and making sound choices. It may not be the best day- but it will be a good day. Thanks for staying with me and sticking with me through this challenge

For those of you still not up on the challenge- go sign up today!!


Barbaloot said...

Ugh, hate those 'I suck as a mother' days. You are not alone - I think they are inevitable for all of us! And yeah, I've noticed the direct correlation between sleep deprivation and feeling like a complete failure. But you're doing so much, modeling so much healthy behavior. Embrace that joy and the good days!

S said...

These recipes look so good. Thanks for sharing. But please. Please stop saying you suck. When you eat all these glorious foods, you say how glorious you are as well. Tomorrow IS another day.

Claudia said...

Yeah, I'm having one of those days TODAY! And the kiddos have just gone to bed and I'm trying to resist just making a giant batch of cookies. Will not cave. Will not cave. Will not cave! Your pizzalad looks DELICIOUS!

Paula said...

Shannon, I can see we share a personality trait... it's called "self-flagellation". Give yourself a break; you obviously don't suck at being a mom... those people don't write blogs and share their "failures" with the world. You are a very caring, albeit it very tired mom. :)

You are doing a great job with the healthy eating. I confess to being the queen of UNhealthy eating. Keep up the good work. BTW, those eggs on the toast look tasty.

scooping it up said...

what kind of a blender do you have?? we make our own almond butter!

love you. love Teg. you are wonderful. love this post.