Part one was here.
"Ive done it!"
I imagined him playing calmly for hours (he did) and calmly laying in bed drifting quickly to sleep. Not fighting it, as his disregulated-ness requires of him. "This is going to be it." How simple. NEAT! It's soap- and It will be so easy to clean up. Ah ha! I thought- I'VE DONE IT! He's going to snap out of this and be fine!
So here I was... all very proud of myself. Thinking we are on our way back to the good foot. This really worked! All this hard work is paying off. We can do this!
As child is in the tub- I think I'll take advice from Miss Stacy and dump the bin of 'mud' out back off the porch. As I attempt to do so- I'm feeling so good, I start singing a song, humming actually. I walk down the hall, as i attempt to open the back door- the 'clean mud' (which now has paint incorporated in it as we added some colors to mix up toward the end) starts to fall. As I panic, I end up dumping it half inside and half outside of my house. So now there is wet toilet paper all over ever crevice of the door jam, door, carpet and entry rug (ok- its a carpet square... whatever!). And - it instantly FROZE.
I start thinking to myself- "Yup. Shannon. In the midst of the tiniest bit of peace, you are going to stir in chaos, every, single, time." Rolling my eyes at myself, I start to clean it up. Still humming, this tune, mindlessly. I scrape and dig and throw each handful out the door. Does it hit the snow. No. Does it hit the deck covered in snow. No. Each and every handful I throw splatters against the railing, splashing more back wards onto the door and outside of the house where it instantly freezes. I start laughing at myself. "What a MESS you are. Get under control will you?!?!"
And then I start singing the song. And I realize, the song I've been singing, or actually the 2 verses I've been humming over and over again goes something like this "God is in control. His children will not be foresaken."
This is the song I'm singing and it takes a few times for me to realize. Ah ha. I've been working so hard at trying to help him regulate- I don't know if I even prayed about it. if I did, I don't remember, which tells me I'm certainly not leaning on Him, waiting on Him, faithfully moving forward knowing this is all for Him.
Learning Mom- still learning.