Thursday, February 2, 2012

What is next?...

As we laughed, snuggled and wrestled
as is the routine of changing in to pj's
I looked up to his face
me on the floor
I heard in my head
"He has no idea, everything is about to change"

Really?

Did I just think that?
Or did I hear it?
Is the worry and fear taking over
the Faith?
Or is He making his faith known?


Almost a year
I sat and prayed
Wondered
Connived
Concieved of strategies
Percieved plans
How could I be a single stay at home mom?
I prayed and prayed
Asked for the hows
Eventually giving it all to him and trusting
I had nothing to hold onto then...
Only Him.
Makes it easier to let go of it all 
when the nothing is closer to Him

It came to pass
Two years we've had together
This unbridled gift from God
Two full years
I didn't realize why I needed it so
So very different than expected
Isn't it always

Now. Things are about to change.
I suspect shockingly
Yes I've no idea what it looks like
We have little to hold onto
Little is harder to give up to God 
than, 'nothing'.


Harder to just trust in faith
Why?
Why do I so quickly stray?

It has truely been a gift.
A miracle that we've been able to do this for 2 full years
I still have much to learn
We have much healing in our future

Now 
Now we prepare
We unbridle from possessions
Eventually our house
We sure up our strength in Him
And our family in each other
Where the road leads us, we do not know
A little light
One step at a time
Not everyone will agree with the choices I've needed to make thus far.
That's ok.
We make different choices as we experience different things
Some choices, are regretful
Most are spot on
I think. Now. 
Who knows how tomorrows history will reflect

We venture forward
Figure it out
Have faith
Give thanks
Hope

This 2 years
Has changed me
In so different ways that I could've every imagined
Bigger ways
I read old posts and don't know the person that wrote them
Disconnected
The becoming of me
Growing. Molding. Shaping.
It hurts
But it's more encompassing
Transforming
Like the inside of a chrysalis 
Something new emerges


I think something new is about to emerge
I am grateful
Hopeful
Prayerful to let go of my worry
Excited
What is next?

4 comments:

findingmagnolia said...

I can't wait to see what is next for you. Strength, perseverance, and faith are all so present in you. I know that what comes next will be good.

Liz said...

Can't wait to find out what's next for you - hope it's amazing!

kn said...

Wonderful!!!!!

I'm so happy you've had the two years. I wish I had the same.

Happy too that you have new things on the horizon.

xo

Paula said...

What you did is... amazing. :)