Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I wonder sometimes:
What have I let go of, in order to build this family??

I pondered tonight that I spend very little time doing anything 'social' this days. Friends and I text, fB or every once and a while pick up the phone... but I struggle remember the last time I went out just to grab a drink with friends - it was sometime in late August or early September for Trish's birthday, on a Sunday afternoon.  Rowdy.

Mostly I wonder... what will daily life look like after the Little Man and I are together as a family.

Actually I've been looking forward to the change in social scenes for quite some time. The concerts in the park without a 'borrowed' nephew.  Library time. Recitals and Practices. Soccer practices and dance classes. Going for a walk with someone to accompany me and a stroller to push. Play dates.  Heck, a date is a date... and I'll take it!  I suspect I'll be better at the play dates than the adult dates/interviews/awkward pauses...

To my boy:  I've been single my whole life, thus far--- but rarely (if ever) "Lonely"  until - You weren't here.

Lets EDIT this and get real for a moment in retrospect. Hind sight and all: I wrote "been single my whole life". Yes. And when suddenly there is a moving human being in your house, all your issues, will show your WHY YOU'VE BEEN SINGLE YOUR WHOLE LIFE. Oh, I thought those therapy sessions had taught me coping tools and I was so much more at peace than before. Pththth HA! My son is fabulous and I love being a family. But- if you are reading this and have the slightest hint of 'issues' in your past... they will be uncovered my friend. Oh yes they will. Our children through adoption are smart and intuitive and will shake you out. Get professional help now and keep them on staff. If you can move them in your house. do it. I laugh at my pie eyed ignorance.


Rachel said...

Very sweet post. Can't wait to see your son in your arms.

Our journey following Christ said...

Only 5 short days more!

Are you packed??

Get're life is about to change in the most wonderful way!


♪~Jenn~♪ said...

To my boy: I've been single my whole life, thus far--- but rarely (if ever) "Lonely" until - You weren't here.

I love this!! its so how I theres this space in my heart in the perfect, exact shape of our future children that nothing can fill but them. I didn't even know that it was there until I woke up one day 2 years ago and BAM! there it was.
I'm so happy that your space will be filled with your son soon!!!!!

hazel said...

Great post, Shannon. I can relate to so much of this.

Evelyn said...

Sniff! So sweet.

Gretchen said...

Awww..."Lonely, until you weren't here"....Awwwww...SO sweet!!!

Staci said...

oooh, that ending gave me goosebumps. girl, you are SOOO close to holding that boy. i am counting down to getting to see you are not allowed to enter the state of Massachusetts without letting me know. :)

kristine said...

the last line caught me up!
yes, it will all change. and btw, i wasn't waking up with a smile when he actually said "don't worry, i'll do all the talking" is was thinking "wtf! it's 5:15 AM!"

i mean once i had my coffee i smiled and haven't stopped every time i think of it.

you're lonely because your ready, you have the space in your soul.

so so so lovely. joyful. full.

Chris and Jess said...

Love this post, love that last line! I really hope we can have a date, complete with drinks, while the boys play! It's been so nice getting to you know you during this wait! I can't wait for you to bring Teg home!

Jennifer Rikkers said...

I can really relate this very emotion. I am surrounded by my family and friends, and yet have this longing and loneliness for our sweet girl.

Thank you for your comment on my blog. It sure has been an unexpected journey, truly a roller coaster ride....and I don't like roller coasters! ;) I am ready to hop off in Addis and pick up our sweet girl.

Our daughter is now 6 months old and she is known at the care center as Tesfanesh, or Tesfu. If you do see her please get a good look, a snuggle or hug in. Thank you and safe travels! So very exciting!!!

Queen Of The Castle said...

Hey Shannon - I see you on the CHS forum and thouht I would check out your blog. Wishing you safe travels. Hopfully we are in the travel group just after you. We wont know until right before we have to leave, but we are keeping our fingers crossed. Have a great trip!