Monday, October 5, 2009

Fightin' Mad

I admit. I'm in fightin' mode.  I'm ready to pick a fight. Argue. Yell. Fein offense- just to get into it with someone.

It's unlike me. It is not my favorite part of me. It pisses me off. Catch-22

Quick trigger
Short Temper

Add any number of adjectives. That's me that last couple weeks. I wish it wasn't. It will go away. I know it will. It takes work- and time is something that is tight this time of year. Need to take some time and enjoy the fall. I haven't hiked in a REALLLLLLLLYY long time. It purges my brain. Opens it up. Lightens it. Rejuvenates the body and soul.

Lost. Lost is how I feel. Pushing hard on someone else's path. One of those walks that leaves me wondering "WHERE THE HECK AM I!"  (If you're a long time reader- you know this question is one that I generally find useless. Falling in one of 2 catagories- LAUGHABLE or FEAR INDUCING. ) 

I wonder how much this has to do with my 'T'. Ethiopia has pushed back start of court dates. I was so hoping for an Oct/ early November date. It is still possible. He has been without a family for sooooooo long now. Way too long. Longer than most in his orphanage. Hope. Hope. Walk in Faith. Move. Move.

This will pass. It will. It has lingered longer than I can afford. But right now- I want to fight. Fight for my child. Fight for him. AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGG!!!!  

Force for Sale: Michael Harvey Photography

If you are of praying heart- Pray for him. Pray for his peace. Pray that he feel the love in his heart despite it all. Pray for his joy. And pray for me. Pray that I feel it too- so that I can be the Momma he needs- deserves.

officially giving up the misery. It's too costly and I'm too cheap to pay the price!


Staci said...

so so so sorry. you are allowed to grieve for this separation. i know you are powerless and that is a terrible feeling as a mom. He is DEFINITELY in my prayers. You too...

Calico Sky said...

I will certainly be praying for you both.


Emaye said...

I'll be praying for you too!

Jennifer M said...

I hear ya sista! Funkalicious is what I've been calling it. Makes it sound not quite as bad when someone sees the long face (before I throw the mask back on) and asks, "What's wrong?" and I say, "Ahh.. it's just been a funkalicious day."

kristine said...

you and he are in my prayers. you are allowed - it is understandable - you are his mom!!! you need him home!!!! he needs you!!!!

but i'm also thinking he's probably more taken care of right this very minute than you are.

hang on and reach out
and try to feel the love yourself

you are in our prayers.

Amy said...

I love your spirit- some things are so worth fighting for!! I'll put on my boxing gloves and pray with you!! Love, Amy

curcuma said...

We all pray for his peace, joy and love and for you.