Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Monday, February 27, 2012

3 months home... Ha!

Edited Repost from the archives.
Originally posted April 24th, 2010.

We'd been a family together for 3 months. Three whole months. I swear- as you may sense- it felt like f.o.r.e.v.e.r.  Also notice that his birthday the following year was NOT as anticipated. It was actually a full blown bowling alley party, as he is requesting again this year. He's decided, since this original post, that birthday parties are, in fact, the greatest thing ever. He LOVES a party! Extrovert son. Introvert mom. We. are. a. pair.

There have been so many "oh look! First time...". Many are repeats of "first time he fell asleep with out me". In retrospect I mostly just don't remember from one week to the next. It's been long enough now that I know to expect everything to change. It's been 2+ years now, and he's only now toying with falling asleep without me right next to him. It isn't completely consistent. But there is another hint of light. Expectations. I got lost in them so many times along this way..... 

********************

Today is what?.. The 24th?  We arrived here from Ethiopia 3 months ago today. 3 months.



Tonight.. Just maybe 30 minutes ago.. My Sun... By beautiful Toddler.. Mr. I can do everything myself... just fell asleep.. for the very FIRST TIME... NOT ON TOP OF ME. Not at all. Not on my arm. Not laying across my belly. No hands in my shirt. Not nuzzeled in the crook of my neck. Nothing... (well- he's got a foot on my leg, now.. but that's it.)



Now - I must admit that the last 2 nights we've had some super duper exhaustion from super Duper (capital D) fun and adventure filled days (more on that later).  And he did fall asleep in the car and ended up sleeping the entire night through.. so other than those 2 times (which don't really count) .....

Tonight is the FIRST TIME he has laid in bed and fallen asleep without me holding him. First. First time.


Not only am I excited (and a bit mournful, i'll admit) but I wanted to put this out there for all those who think they are going crazy cause their kid still won't sleep in his own bed, or has sleep anxiety.  THREE MONTHS!!!

I don't actually expect this to last..  much like all his sleeping patterns they morph and adjust--- hopefully we'll have this be a recurring regular performance soon.?


...It bugs me still. I have no reason to doubt the date, other than a bunch of obvious translation things. Today- you do not act like a 3 year old-- maybe 2 or 2 and a half. But then again... 3 months ago you didn't act like a 2 year old.  Who knows.. is this just time and transition? Is it that you are younger than reported? Does it matter?  I don't really think so.



But the idea of a forced celebration still bugs the crap out of me. I'll let it slide this year. Next year-- it's all you and me baby! 

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sunday. Stretching Independence



Someone is craving knowledge of how all things work. That same someone attempts to put new knowledge into practice. That same someone gains great pride and confidence in his abilities and role in the family. Someone else encourages and drinks crunchy coffee.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Sunday Smile...

Dance class doesn't measure up to Gymnastics class... just saying...





 

  
 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Where am I going?...


I keep trying to get to this particular "place". Seems I'm always in a hurry to move- as if magically, we'll be "there" and... *poof*  everything is as it should be.

 I don't have a place name for it. It looks like this...

It has been a hot day. Humid. Hard working. Sweaty day. Physically worked. Hot. Wiped.

Then...
You sit back in a rocker. Feet up on the porch rail. Ice ice ice cold sweating amber glass bottle of beer, as it pops open. First sip. Ahhhh....

It all melts away.

THAT. 
Right there
That is the place I keep trying to which I find myself endlessly striving.

Relaxed. 
Accomplished. 
Job well done.
No worries.


As of yet... still futile.
 

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Perspective Helps...

A good reminder to slow down.
There is no place worth reaching, that bests where we are.
Edited repost from archives

Everyday another post is being written. Everyday- another is being played out. And yet- when I get to the computer- it's after 11pm and I need sleep. And clean laundry. And clean dishes. And to organize. And put away winter stuff. And get his paperwork and photos organized and get them safely put away. ... but here's the thing.. I've let the pressure of getting these things done.. go away.

I lost my job not too long ago. In preparation to go back to work, we were pressing ahead to get organized- get things done- get him ready for school- get... well we weren't getting anywhere, really. Truth be told.   So now, we have time.

Some of you know- that shortly before that time frame-- I was struggling. Struggling to get him to do what I thought I needed him to do.

I've stopped struggling.

He likes that.

We are happy.

Blissfully so.

So much I want to share. So much to reflect on. So much that I want soon to be mom's to know- I learned so much from those that walked before me- Pay it forward. Isnt' that part of the deal??

Here's the (other part of) deal:
You'll have to take what I can offer today. I realize it's not the most thought out writing lately... Not the best edited... please, forgive.. and love me anyway.


We're in a good place.. today.. this week.  Even tho there are still nights he cries in his sleep. Nights he painfully says words I don't understand. Even though we went back to a bottle (warm milk & cinnamon) for a little while. Even though he bit me hard enough to draw blood (LOTS).  Even though physical ailments keep rising to the surface for both of us.  Even though he withdraws to his own place, seemingly looking back, remembering...




We've laughed alot lately. LOTS! We hug a lot lately. LOTS! Being outside helps us. Setting boundaries and staying respectful of them helps (especially with others). Learning the best way to eat, helps. Laughing helps. Not teaching too many lessons in a day helps. Learning new words each day helps. Regular sleeping patterns help. Saying things I want him to know helps. Praying helps. Holding hands helps. Not freaking out when he poops in the tub helps. Getting breaks helps. Getting help, helps. Doing things together helps. Learning to play on his own helps.


(Yes... I just knocked on wood)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

What is next?...

As we laughed, snuggled and wrestled
as is the routine of changing in to pj's
I looked up to his face
me on the floor
I heard in my head
"He has no idea, everything is about to change"

Really?

Did I just think that?
Or did I hear it?
Is the worry and fear taking over
the Faith?
Or is He making his faith known?


Almost a year
I sat and prayed
Wondered
Connived
Concieved of strategies
Percieved plans
How could I be a single stay at home mom?
I prayed and prayed
Asked for the hows
Eventually giving it all to him and trusting
I had nothing to hold onto then...
Only Him.
Makes it easier to let go of it all 
when the nothing is closer to Him

It came to pass
Two years we've had together
This unbridled gift from God
Two full years
I didn't realize why I needed it so
So very different than expected
Isn't it always

Now. Things are about to change.
I suspect shockingly
Yes I've no idea what it looks like
We have little to hold onto
Little is harder to give up to God 
than, 'nothing'.


Harder to just trust in faith
Why?
Why do I so quickly stray?

It has truely been a gift.
A miracle that we've been able to do this for 2 full years
I still have much to learn
We have much healing in our future

Now 
Now we prepare
We unbridle from possessions
Eventually our house
We sure up our strength in Him
And our family in each other
Where the road leads us, we do not know
A little light
One step at a time
Not everyone will agree with the choices I've needed to make thus far.
That's ok.
We make different choices as we experience different things
Some choices, are regretful
Most are spot on
I think. Now. 
Who knows how tomorrows history will reflect

We venture forward
Figure it out
Have faith
Give thanks
Hope

This 2 years
Has changed me
In so different ways that I could've every imagined
Bigger ways
I read old posts and don't know the person that wrote them
Disconnected
The becoming of me
Growing. Molding. Shaping.
It hurts
But it's more encompassing
Transforming
Like the inside of a chrysalis 
Something new emerges


I think something new is about to emerge
I am grateful
Hopeful
Prayerful to let go of my worry
Excited
What is next?

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Free Entertainment










Yes. Teg's face is swollen. From the day before sledding accident.


He went over a rock and flew straight into a tree. Didn't seem to slow him down at all...