Wednesday, March 31, 2010

From the Boy...

 Mom's got the shingles... So far I'm Chicken Pock free.  I hear she'll be ripped ka-ka if I get the pox- she seems to think I have enough scars. I like 'em. They give me character.

I tried out a school with lots of other kids and a teacher. I didn't like it so much. I liked all the toys they had there- but I didn't know any of those kids and I like being home with mom better. Appearently, that's going to happen- she says she lost her job (whatever that means) so we've got EXTRA TIME!  Not sure what I think of that yet.... She's laying down alot lately... NO FUN. She says she's got bilateral pneumonia too... I think she's a wimp and no fun!

Sometimes I like being only with mom. But I really like time with Papa & Nana and I like it when my cousins come over to play. Mom loves me--- but I think I can manage things on my own.  She's always bossing me around and puts my hands behind my back when I move something (like a knife) or go get water (emptied 5 gallons on the floor...)  that she suddenly thinks is off limits. She needs to relax. I may be only 2 but my birthday is in April and I'll be 12 then. I know more than her.
I can climb to new heights.

I've even contemplated jumping off... I can do it you know...

Swinging from one place to another..

Checking out some new houses..

Sometimes I feel all alone in this new strange place...

But family is never far behind.

Sometimes I get quiet and kick some thoughts around...

Through it all, I've been staying pretty balanced... but I think Mom's got work to do.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Back to work?.....

One week from today- I was to go back to work full time. Back to a job I should have long ago left. Back to random last minute late night meetings. Back to full weekends of work. My job- that in many ways and for a long time, I really loved. But this job is one you have to live... completely. It must envelope every aspect of your life- in order to be successful.  Some time ago- I realized - I couldn't do that and be the best me, the best mom nor the best employee. But my really good friend- one who I admire and respect- loves his job. He is my boss and loves living and breathing this. It is fun for him. He thrives in it. It is also ageing him quickly and as much as he tries and as super as his wife is... his kids are growing up without him.  It's not a life I want. But I am loyal to him and trust his judgement.  So I pray- Lord, if he needs to lay me off, please give him comfort and courage to do so. Please grant me your Grace and Mercy. Lord, if I need to stay here- let it be so and I will do everything I'm being paid to do.

Wednesday, I was laid off. Yup. Lost my job.

We'd been trying to transition the boy into preschool. It wasn't going as well as I'd hoped. He was NOT ready to be in another institutional care for 50 hours each week. I was not ready for that either.  I was agonizing over what to do.

So- as bad as the timing may be- it was as good as it could be as well. God's timing. This will work out. I have faith.  Really I do.

The boy is back with me at home. He spends one day a week with Nana and I'll try and find him 2 half days at a home care situation for now.

I'm a little scared. How long will we be out of work? Many questions, I could agonize over. But I chose to look at the positive.   And for now--- I make this a new season.

In the weeks and I first joined my job, almost 10 years ago- I had a bad reaction to BC meds and gained more than 50 lbs in less than 6 weeks. P.A.I.N.F.U.L.  Some of it has come off over the years.. but this past season of "adoption" I quit many healthy routines and gained more than a little bit of weight.

Well, my son is home. My job is over.

This new season- I'm choosing to lose this extra weight. I don't recognize myself in the pictures of us. It isn't just the weight- I don't look healthy... at all.  

I'm looking forward to this new season. I'll try and hold myself to the same standard I do smokers who finally 'quit'. My son deserves a mother who doesn't ache and creak at every step.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Bathroom Humor...

Technically this belongs on the private blog- especially given the location of such a story.. but... It's really more about me.. so... Here we are:

FUNNY STORY- (ok- sad... but funny for self depricating me)

Of all the things I had to learn, and be prepared for -being a single mom raising a boy:  A white woman raising a brown skinned child- etc etc etc.... I never thought my first confrontation would be based on gender confusion!

We were in Mass visiting my sister & BIL when- at the grocery story The Boy has to go "ka ka".  In we go into the ladies room into a stall.

I'm scootched down in front of him hold his hands so he doesn't fall in. He's making lots of "boy bathroom noises" along with mmwwa  kisses for me.  I'm talking to him trying to get him to hurry along. When I hear from someone else in the bathroom- rather loudly and assertively "EXCUSE ME! EXCUUUUSSSE ME! Is there a gentleman in here?" 


"Is there a man in this bathroom!?!?!"

I hesitate as I look at Teg.... "UMmm NO. Not exactly" (figureing neither "Man" nor "gentleman" is he qualified for yet)

"Are you a woman?!"

"Huh?" (you see my profound vocabulary is helping here...)

"Are you a woman? Are you a mother?" She is seriously YELLING at this point.


And this is what she says... seriously... I'm surprised I've never heard this one....
"Well- You sound like  a man and your shoes look like Men's shoes.!"

Laughing to myself... I say "Well, Stop looking under the stalls!"

This is where it gets worse...

I know she doesn't leave. She waits to see who comes out of our stall and is stealthy as she enters another at the same time we exit ours.  As I'm washing my hands... The Boy bends over and sticks his head under her stall and starts giggling!!!!

Couldn't have said it better myself Boy.

"Let's go son."